A few things before moving on...

You say "God is my co-pilot."
You say "No man is an island."

I say "God is your cope-Islet."

I say "Say you, say me/ Say it in song form/ just like Lionel Ritchie"

I say, "Know your role, Lionel Ritchie.  Put down the microphone and pick up the saxophone.  You are here to blow notes and to let attractive blind women sculpt your bust.  And I don't mean with clay, Lionel Ritchie.  I mean, you're getting flabby, Lionel!  Get yourself a buff blind woman and get on a strength/cardio program.  Let's put the Lion back in Lionel."

Now, some things I've been thinking about while on the toilet.  That stuff up there ^?  That was just spitballin'.  Definitely not toilet-material.

Stuff I've been thinking about while on the toilet:

A.)  Asking vs. Accepting and the irony of asking for more than one needs, yet turning down so many generous offers – many times out of pride or the desire to control.

2    B.)  Irony.  Is A.) an example of irony?  I believe that "irony" (a great word to put in quotes) is the 2^nd most misused word in the English language.  This stands to reason, though, because the word describes a very complex concept… unlike the most misused word in the English language, which is

3        C.)  “Literally.”  My pet peeve is having pet peeves, as pet peeves basically amount to the willful suspension of empathy.  More often than not, if you choose to state your pet peeves you are trumpeting that which annoys you about yourself.  Usually it's not direct; but a reflection.  The whole mirror-thing.

      Damn it, though, if "literally" - unlike “Irony” - doesn't have well-defined parameters that people just choose to ignore.  Yes, I'm holding the mirror up to myself here, but I get weary with this word being employed incorrectly most of the time it's employed, i.e. “Alex Rodriguez literally just hit the stuffing out of that baseball.”  One of my favorite David Cross bits is about this.  And David Cross is a good comedian to bring up after I’ve just talked about lack-of-empathy.  David Cross is extremely funny.  However - although it may just be part of his act and not who he is as a person – I can only listen to him for so long before his condescending disregard for his fellow man becomes too much to stomach.

4        D.)  Speaking of "too much to stomach," how are you doing with my admission that these are Toilet Thoughts?  The taboo of shitting is something that really makes me laugh.  Toilets themselves could be viewed as the nail in the coffin of the concept of Eden and an exclamation point at the end of "Man vs. Nature."  Every other living thing consumes nature and then excretes it back.  We consume nature and then hide in a little room, try not to make any noise, and flush the result of this unmentionable act down some pipes; from our own bowels into the bowels of the sewage system.

      I suppose it wouldn't do for civilized people to just drop trou and shit wherever they are when "nature calls," but I think we are all aware of the ridiculous neurosis we have regarding the secrecy of this act.  It makes us all laugh, and so we have Toilet Humor.  Could we have Toilet Drama?  No; that becomes comedy.  Toilet Tragedy?  Nope; that's black-comedy (both kinds).

5        E.) The taboo of shit as it relates to the taboo of death.

      I'm not about to get into this right now, though.

6     F.)  Back to Literally.  Here’s an idea for anyone reading this who might be interested:  Start taking note of examples you hear of the word “literally” being misused.  Let’s use this blog as a place to collect these.  This is the first of many times that I am going to call on my artistic friends (those I've met and those I haven't yet) to start a collaborative project here.  I will not claim “ownership” of anything submitted, but may ask your permission to use your work – and credit you for it – in future writings.  What I’d like to do is to have a comic-strip of all of the collected, misused “Literally’s.”  I want people to submit the false-literally’s and, if they are artistically inclined, do a representational drawing of said Literally.  If you are not, just send in the sentence.  If you do a work of “Literally” art – I picture them being comics but they can be whatever you want – scan it and leave it in the comments.  Can an image be left in the comment-field?  I don’t know.  We’ll figure it out.  Maybe eventually they can go in some separate place.  Maybe someone can help me design an illustration-box that can be used right on the blog here… or maybe I’ll just have to make this blog part of a larger website, which I’d originally conceived of doing for this project but never got off the ground.

      G.)  First comes writer's block; then comes the part where one has jumped that hurdle and begins to write about all manner of poop as a way of avoiding the Actual Project at Hand.  The APaH that one is procrastinating due to the fact that one is a perfectionist - which one hesitates to admit because once one gets over this and posts the project one is going to see so many glaring imperfections that one is likely to return to this post in order to delete the admission of perfectionist-tendencies, as it will seem the most ludicrous neurosis that a mediocre writer could possibly have.

      *slaps self in face*

       Time to get off the Fool's Throne, remind myself of the quote I posted earlier today, and Focus on the Task at Hand.